Staying Calm in the Storm:
A Parent’s Guide to Hope and Healing
By Genesis Vargas, CSABA Family Faculty Member
When my child was first diagnosed with autism, it felt like the world changed overnight. I went from having a clear vision of my family’s future to starting over and learning a whole new reality. I had to learn terms like “Applied Behavior Analysis,” “Occupational Therapy,” and “Speech-Language Pathology.” It was a lot to take in at once.
In the beginning, I was honestly grieving the life I was expecting to have. And I want to tell other parents that it is okay to feel that way. But also, just because your plans have changed doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. Once I started learning more about my child’s diagnosis and got involved in their therapy sessions, I realized that my child could still live a full, happy life.
Now, as a member of the CSABA Family Faculty, I find joy and purpose in helping other parents find that same hope and offering advice for the everyday challenges families like ours may face. Here is how I manage the “big moments” while keeping my cool.
Keeping Calm in the Moment
Spotting the “Red Flags”
I used to think I was just tired. But being a parent is hard work, and when you let “just tired” go for too long, it turns into burnout. I had to learn how to spot my own warning signs:
- Feeling like I’m “on edge” all the time.
- Losing my patience over small things.
- Feeling like I’m just going through the motions.
When I feel this way, I know it’s time to step back. I might ask my husband to take over for a bit or even give myself a break by going into another room for five minutes. I’ve learned that I can’t be an effective parent if my own battery is at zero.
My “In-the-Moment” Tools
When my child is having a really hard time or a big emotional “storm,” I use these three simple steps to stay calm:
- One Big Breath: When I realize I’m starting to get overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and stand still. It took a long time to learn that I don’t have to “fix it” right away. Sometimes it’s okay to just breathe and let your child have their moment.
- Square Breathing: Sometimes the room gets too loud and I need a few moments to bring myself back to center. Square breathing helps my body relax when I start to feel tense. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, and pause for 4. It’s such a small thing, but it truly helps.
- A Simple Reminder: I tell myself that my child is allowed to have big feelings, and so am I. No one, neurotypical or otherwise, is going to have a perfect day every day, and we all need a minute or two to fall apart sometimes.
Choosing “Calm” Over “Clinical”
Doctors and therapists use big words that can feel overwhelming or completely unattainable. As a parent, I try to keep it simple. To me, being “calm” means being present. It doesn’t mean I’m not stressed! There are moments where all I can do is choose to slow down, keep my voice soft, and keep my body still. The consistency helps my child feel safe while they work through their emotions.
A 5-Minute “Win” for You
If you are reading this and feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know that your feelings matter. This is hard, and you are doing a great job on an incredible journey.
Try this today: Take just five minutes to do something that makes you happy. It could be drinking a warm cup of coffee in silence, calling a friend, or watching a funny video on your phone. Finding a little bit of joy for yourself makes you a stronger advocate for your child.
The CSABA Difference: Family Faculty
At Children’s Specialized ABA, we know that ABA therapy is a journey for the whole family. That’s why we have our Family Faculty Team, a unique resource where parents like Genesis, who have “been there,” provide direct support, empathy, and real-world advice to our families. We aren’t just clinicians; we are a community.
